HELL– In a scream that sent shockwaves through the fiery depths of Hell, Satan woke up in a cold sweat, reportedly petrified after waking up from a nightmare in which he was married to none other than two-time failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.
According to his closest demonic aides, the Prince of Darkness confessed that Hillary Clinton’s evil in the dream was so overwhelming that it was even too much for Satan’s normally unshakable malevolence.
“She’s too evil, even for me,” said Satan as he recalled the terror of being in an unholy union with one of the most wicked women in the world. “It was worse than any horror I could ever imagine. I can still hear her diabolical, cackling laughter as she performed unspeakable atrocities that even I wouldn’t think of doing.”
Satan later recounted how Hillary threatened to have him suicided if he went against her or tried getting a divorce, demanding that he remain in the vivid hellscape, better known as marriage, for all of eternity.
Still trembling, Satan got down on his knees and began praying, “God, I know I hate you and we kind of have a terrible relationship, but uh, if you wouldn’t mind doing me one little favor to please, for the love of God, never send Hillary down here with me.”
