MANHATTAN, NEW YORK– Following months of speculation into the mysterious activities of Count von Count, Sesame Street’s red-furred detective Elmo finally had his suspicions confirmed as to the possible cultural identity of the resident coin-counting vampire when he spotted a large dreidel inside the Count’s cobweb-covered castle.
While visiting the creepy castle to repay an 89% interest loan he borrowed, Elmo’s suspicions went into overdrive once he discovered the spinning dreidel top, claiming that his eyes have been opened after he began noticing a lot of things lately. The Count’s love of counting money, prominent nose, and vampiric tendencies led to the belief on Sesame Street that Count von Count had a secret identity.
“Elmo has had suspicions about the Count for a while now,” Elmo confided to Big Bird later. “But then, while the Count was eating a bagel, boom. Elmo sees a dreidel right next to the Count’s gold coins. Elmo has been noticing things lately. Like last week, Elmo heard the Count humming ‘Hava Nagila’ while counting his coins.”
When reached for comment, the Count seemed unfazed by the accusations that he was hiding his true identity, saying, “A dreidel? Ah-ah-ah! That was, uh, a gift from a friend who lives in Brooklyn. Yes, that’s it. I’m just a vampire with chutzpah, you schmucks. I just love counting dreidels, that’s all. One dreidel, two dreidels, three dreidels–ah-ah-ah! I love counting everything. Dreidels, coins, bagels, coins, matzo balls, and even coins, ah-ah-ah.”
After asking one too many questions, it was later confirmed that Elmo had been evicted from Sesame Street, had his bank accounts closed, and had been fired from his job.
