MARTHA’S VINEYARD– At their wits end and left with no other options, the Seven Dwarves reportedly invited the obnoxious Snow White out for a quiet time paddleboarding with former President Barack Obama on his very large, desolate lake.
The dwarves were said to be extremely annoyed with Snow White’s grating personality and with the way she constantly berates them by accusing them of being racist and sexist, leading them to call up the former president to ask him for a favor.
“I’m a strong empowered woman who can make her own decisions of where to go,” snapped Snow White after burning down the dwarves’ home. “I’m being oppressed by a patriarchal system run by racist bigots like you tall-phobic dwarves. I’ll go paddleboarding only because I’m choosing to go, not because you asked me to go. You guys are just so weird. Weird.”
Obama was said to be thrilled at the opportunity to brush up on his paddleboarding skills, saying he needed some practice for all the upcoming witnesses he’ll be inviting over to his home once President Trump finishes declassifying all the files related to Obama’s time as president.
After the paddleboarding excursion, Obama penned a tribute to both the late Snow White and also to the late Seven Dwarves who are no longer witnesses to the first paddleboarding accident.
