OTTAWA, CANADA– After initially being angry at China for executing four Canadian citizens, the Canadian government was later extremely relieved once the Chinese Communist Party explained to them that the citizens were actually just humanely euthanized.
During a press conference, acting Prime Minister Mark Carney told everyone the wonderful news that the four dead Canadians were simply given Chinese government assistance in dying.
“Um, yeah, I have, uh, great news, everyone,” said PM Carney as he stuttered his way through a happy smirk. “Our initial reports indicated that, um, four of our citizens were, uh, executed. That made, um, us like really upset. We were just about to, um, start filming a video of, uh, us pulling Chinese alcohol from our shelves. But then, um, we heard that the, um, Canadians were simply given Canada’s world-famous euthanasia special.”
While celebrating Canada’s big win over China, Carney offered for “a limited time only” free euthanasia to any Canadian citizen who may still be upset by the news of the executions that were not actually executions.
Carney went on to say that Canadians need to move on from all the issues of China executing Canada’s citizens and also putting major tariffs on the Great White North Country and start focusing on more pressing issues, such as President Donald Trump’s orange skin and the disrespectful way he says “Chynah.”
