BEIJING, CHINA– After receiving the terrible news that President Donald Trump was planning on banning China from purchasing more US farmland, an incensed Xi Jinping warned his employee Senator Mitch McConnell that if he didn’t stop it from happening then he would be fired immediately.
Chinese President Xi summoned McConnell to fly over to China right away so that he could berate the United States Senator in person and to let him know that he wouldn’t be receiving any more bribe money if he failed his treasonous duties.
“Mitch, what is this I hear about President Trump taking away our farmland in the United States?” Xi asked angrily, staring down at McConnell on his frail knees. “Let me remind you, Mr. McConnell, who is the one who pays your bills and who also is the one who has those compromising videos of you that I’m sure you wouldn’t want released to the American press.”
As added insurance, Xi then proceeded to make Mitch put on a little pink tutu and then snort a few lines of coke off of the same Chinese prostitutes who had serviced Hunter Biden years ago but were now of legal age.
Also summoned to the meeting was California Democrat Eric Swalwell, who still owed China some classified American secrets for all of those times he was allowed to bang bang Fang Fang.
