BRAZIL, SOUTH AMERICA– The scientific world is abuzz with excitement after scientists in Brazil recently discovered a new species while doing research within the Amazon rainforest and have identified the creature as the elusive Bidenus Pedophilelis.
The decrepit, old creature startled the South American scientists by coming up from behind one of the female researchers where it proceeded to place its elongated nose on the back of her head and began sniffing salaciously.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” said one of the Brazilian scientists during a speech with the Bidenus Pedophilelis behind him inside of a cage. “Never in my forty-year career as a scientist have I ever seen such a repulsive, perverted species as this one. We had to shoot Bidenus Pedophilelis with a tranquilizer after the wild deviant tried groping and biting a few of the local children.”
According to the scientists, the Bidenus Pedophilelis is a violent, demented creature who threatened to take them behind the barn and fight them unless they gave it some ice cream.
After failing to communicate with the senile creature due to its inability to utter anything but gibberish, the scientists requested fellow potato American Senator John Fetterman to translate the unknown drivel.
