U.S.– After hearing the wonderful news that residents affected by Hurrican Helene were getting a whopping $750 from FEMA, Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky quickly hopped on a plane and headed to the hurricane-ravaged areas of the United States to ask residents if they could spare some of their recovery money to help in his war against Russia.
Zelensky used a raft to go house to house begging downtrodden hurricane victims if they could spare some of their free money since Joe Biden and Kamala Harris only gave Ukraine $250 billion so far.
“Please, sir, if you don’t want to wait until you get your FEMA check, then whatever change you have in your pockets will do,” said Zelensky to a man who just lost his entire home and all of his belongings. “Ukraine could really use your help. Come on now, don’t be selfish. Help in our efforts. You wouldn’t want liberals on social media to label you a Putin puppet, now, would you? I could use some of that money to help buy myself another house to store all my wife’s gold jewelry.”
Moments after looting a woman’s house, Zelensky told the frantic woman who was stranded up on the roof of her flooded house that he appreciates her involuntary donation to Ukraine’s war efforts and will think of her while he’s wearing his next new Rolex watch.
At publishing time, Vice President Kamala Harris reminded hurricane victims that they will still owe taxes on their $750 FEMA money even if they had it taken from them by Zelensky.
