WASHINGTON– After hearing the news that the US government might shut down if an election integrity bill is not passed in Congress, Senator Mitch McConnell became startled by the news and quickly retreated into his shell.
McConnell’s aides tried luring the scared senator back out of his shell by offering him a few live crickets to eat and reassuring him that his job as a corrupt politician will still be safe.
“Don’t worry, Mitch, you’ll still make your millions from corrupt deals and insider trading,” said one of the aides as he dangled the cricket over the top of Mitch’s suit collar to lure him out. “You can come out now. Everyone knows powerful politicians never face any consequences for their actions. Besides, it’s not like anyone in Congress actually wants to have election integrity anyway.”
Once he darted his eyes back and forth and made sure the coast was clear, Mitch extended his long neck and grabbed the cricket between his lips and ate it before withdrawing back inside once again after spotting a few hungry Haitians.
