MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA– After news broke out that Tim Walz may be tied to the Chinese Communist Party and had visited there almost fifty times, the Minnesota governor told news reporters that he was proud to be selling out America to Chinese interests and then unveiled his brand-new lower-back tattoo of China’s President Xi Jinping.
During a press interview, Tim Walz was asked about the Republican’s investigation into his ties to China, with the newly nicknamed Tampon Tim defending himself and his actions related to the communist country.
“I don’t know much about these allegations by the Republicans,” said Tim Walz as he unbuttoned his shirt before taking it off. “But what I do know is that you guys have to check out this cool, new back tattoo I got of Chinese President Xi Jinping. Just because I got a tattoo of my boss, I mean, China’s communist president, doesn’t mean that I’m working with him or selling US secrets like my Democrat colleague Eric Swalwell did when he was banging Fang Fang.”
Walz said he got the tramp stamp tattoo while on his 169th visit to China recently and had it done inside Xi Jinping’s personal office.
“Hey, I had to go to China for this tattoo because the tattoo artist needed to see President Xi’s face,” said Walz, wiggling his back fat to make it look like the tattoo was talking. “President Xi definitely did not force me to get this tattoo against my will as a way to brand me as his property.”
Walz then quickly put his shirt back on and nervously ended the interview after his Chinese handler signaled for him to hurry up and send that confidential information to China that President Xi was demanding.
