U.S.– Millions of Americans are now being monitored by the FBI after the federal law enforcement agency performed an urgent investigation and discovered a great portion of the country either refused to watch the Olympics opening pride ceremony or quickly turned it off from disgust.
The FBI utilized all of their highly advanced technology to spy on Americans inside of the homes and viewing devices and also monitored everyone’s social media accounts in an effort to eventually bring hate charges for any citizens who didn’t approve of the ceremony in France.
“It is a hate crime not to watch the recent Olympics opening pride ceremony,” said FBI Director Christopher Wray in an urgent news conference. “We’re working with local authorities to begin bringing charges against these homophobic, transphobic bigots who didn’t watch, turned off, or complained on social media about men dressed as women while exposing their genitals in front of children.”
Wray went on to say that the racist bigots are facing decades in prison where they will be rehabilitated by having to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race 24-hours a day and other approved government programming.
At publishing time, President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris had already invited the members of the opening ceremony to perform in place of this year’s White House Christmas celebration.
