KIEV, UKRAINE– After the US Congress passed the bipartisan $95 billion aid package for Ukraine, beloved Sesame Street actor Elmo was seen celebrating with his good friend President Volodymyr Zelensky during a wild night out this weekend.
According to photos taken by celebrity gossip site TMZ, a rambunctious Muppet Elmo was spotted partying in downtown Kiev at three in the morning with Zelensky once they heard the news that American politicians had voted in favor of sending Ukraine billions more dollars that the Ukrainian president promised would definitely be put to good use.
“Elmo is having so much fun with Elmo’s good friend President Zelensky,” said Elmo wildly, his face covered with some type of white, powdery substance. “Elmo never felt so alive and energetic as right now. Elmo hasn’t slept in almost three days. Elmo feels like he wants to kick someone’s ass. Can you kids spell irritability?”
While sniffing and wiping his nose incessantly for some strange reason, Zelensky once again thanked the Americans for their loyal support by sending billions more in taxpayer dollars to help fund the president’s stimulating addiction to winning.
At publishing time, it was reported that Elmo had suffered a heart attack and passed away, most likely from all the excitement of being able to help Zelensky finally win the war, but definitely not from all that white powdery stuff ingested into his little system. The coroner stated that Elmo’s death would’ve been a lot worse had he not been vaccinated.
