Groundbreaking Achievement: World’s First Successful Animal To Human Head Transplant

FUGAZI, ITALY– Surgeons in Italy claim to have carried out the first successful head transplant on a Canadian goose. The goose was suffering from a bad case of hemorrhoids so surgeons acted quickly to save the poor bird’s life.

Gary the goose underwent 36 hours of surgery in what many are calling one of the greatest scientific achievements in history.

Top Italian surgeon Dr. Mario FatAssio of the Animale Erection Medical Studies Group posted several photos of Gary goose with his bird head grafted onto the body of the human donor.

Even though Gary goose is still recovering and stitches and bruises can still be seen around the neck, the bird has already uttered some noises and has been slowly moving its human extremities.

“The goose fully survived the procedure and is doing well,” said Dr. FatAssio to reporters who flew in from around the world. “The goose has full function of its human body and has already goosed the backsides of numerous female nurses.”

Warning: Graphic photo below:

According to Dr. FatAssio, the blood supply and spinal cords of the goose and human were connected and fused together with a new special kind of glue that seals within seconds and can now be found in dollar stores around the world.

Dr. FatAssio stated that the impetus to graft the first animal head onto a human body came after he spotted the goose in a local park rubbing its itchy butt and tail onto the ground.

“I felt his pain,” Dr. FatAssio said with a tear in his eye, referring to the goose’s anal itching. “If the goose’s hemorrhoids weren’t treated immediately then the bird may have suffered permanent damage to its anal area. I too once had hemorrhoids and know how painful it is.”

The 28 year old unnamed human who donated his healthy body to save Gary goose will go down in history for his act of animal kindness, even though no one knows his name.

Update: After this article was written, it was reported that the surgeons on the team celebrated Christmas early by eating Gary goose’s body for dinner.