FRESNO, CALIFORNIA– Good news for all those suspicious people out there who always feel like their boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife is cheating on them. Scientists from the Fresno Medical Studies Group and More have invented a new spray that they guarantee will catch a cheater and give an accurate result 100% of the time.
The spray is called the Cheating Spouse Identifier, or CSI for short.
According to the directions, to properly utilize the CSI spray a paranoid mate must first rub the bottle’s applicator sponge along their own genitalia, so that their own genital DNA will be registered into the complex machine. After that the mate must spray the CSI bottle’s contents onto the genitals of the cheater in question. Once the liquid contents are sprayed onto the other person, if they have any type of genital contact with another person other than the original sprayer, then the cheater’s genitals will turn a bright neon green color.
Even though the spray has a success rate of 99.1%, which isn’t exactly a guarantee, the head scientist who led the team of researchers claim that the other .9% of people must have done something wrong.
“The world is full of uneducated dolts,” claimed head scientist Dr. Bran Flake. “You always get that one small percentage of incompetent fools who fail to follow simplistic directions completely.”
Dr. Flake went on to say that upon further research, .7% of people who claimed that the CSI spray was ineffective made the mistake of spraying the liquid onto their own genitals and not the genitals of their mate. The other .2% claimed that they purposely sprayed the CSI liquid onto their own genitals just to see what would happen when they themselves cheated.
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