WASHINGTON– In a desperate attempt to get his old job back, ousted Republican House Speaker Kevin McCarthy was seen wandering around the outside of the US Capitol Building stalking and begging Congress members to take him back and give him another chance, acting as though he were a jilted man dumped by a woman.
“Please, Matt baby, I’ll do anything if you guys just give me another chance,” said a whimpering McCarthy from his knees as Matt Gaetz tried walking away a little faster. “Come on, I’m so sorry I wasn’t a better colleague. I promise I’ll make it up to everyone if you just give me another chance. I promise I’ll change this time. I swear. I can’t live without that House Speaker position.”
A few Congress members tried reasoning with the pathetic McCarthy, with Rep. Matt Gaetz telling the former House Speaker that their relationship is over and that Kevin needs to move on with his life.
“Look, Kevin, I don’t know how else to say this, but it’s over,” said Gaetz while McCarthy pulled on his coat jacket and cried dramatic crocodile tears. “I, I, hate to tell you this, Kevin, but I’ve found someone else. I’m sorry, but I have a new House Speaker in my life now. I’ve moved on and so should you. Goodbye, Kevin.”
Realizing that his old colleagues had moved on and didn’t want anything to do with him any longer, an enraged and jealous McCarthy burnt down the entire House Speaker office and said that if he can’t have the job then nobody can.
