U.S.– Eight Republican candidate hopefuls graced the debate stage last night on Fox News in the belief that they have what it takes to become the next president of Ukraine, oh and they also promised that they would spend a little bit of time once in a while doing things for the United States.
As they stood on the debate stage surrounded by Ukraine flags, Republican candidates tried to sell themselves to the American people on why each of them would be the perfect person to represent the best interests of the foreign country of Ukraine that’s almost 6,000 miles away.
“Slava Ukraini,” said Mike Pence as he waved a flag of Ukraine to the cheers of all the special interest donors in the audience. “I just want the American people to be rest assured that I will put Ukraine first, and also second, third, and fourth, so please vote for me in 2024 and I promise to send one hundred percent of your paychecks to Ukraine. Slava Ukraini.”
Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie scoffed at Mike Pence’s weak support of Ukraine and told the audience that if he wins the presidency he will take his undying support of the European country even further by sending the faraway land every single American resource.
“I’m sure the American people won’t mind starving to death so that Ukraine can get fatter,” said Christie before kissing a photo of President Zelensky. “The fate of the USA is a stake, and the only way to save it is to give everything we own to Ukraine. I’d like to see my Republican opponents top that one.”
Female Republican candidate for Ukraine Nikki Haley just wanted everyone to know that she’s a woman who thinks men who like Ukraine are sexy.
After entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy was heavily booed by the angry crowd for actually saying that he doesn’t believe the US should be so involved with Ukraine or send them billions of dollars in money laundering, Fox News security had him removed from the building and then the GOP issued an apology to President Zelensky for the first-time candidate’s insolence.
To make up for Ramaswamy’s insult to Ukraine, Joe Biden diverted any funds that were supposed to go to Hawaii and sent it to Ukraine.
