WASHINGTON– As tensions between countries continue to escalate, Joe Biden has taken a proactive approach and has announced that he has begun stockpiling much needed items for his new and improved military, including millions of tampons, makeup, and hormone replacement medication.
While surrounded by a battalion of transgender soldiers, Biden warned the world of a possible nuclear war with Russia and Iran that he proudly takes credit for and has called on various American companies to begin production of all the necessary items to keep his transitioned army prepared for the inevitable destruction.
“Have you ever seen a more stunning group of girls in your life?” Biden asked news reporters as he sniffed the coconut scented hair of one of his trans soldiers. “In order to keep my men, I mean women, in tip top shape during war with Russia I have started stockpiling millions and millions of necessary tampons, makeup, and hormone medication.”
Now admitting that we are at war with both Russia and the Middle East and that he started it, Biden said that World War 3 will only help the struggling economy and promised the American people that getting radiation poisoning is “good for the soul” and “puts hair on your chest.”
In addition to the aforementioned items, the president said that the Pentagon will also keep plenty of dresses, high-heels, and drag dancers on hand in preparation for the nuclear blast that hits the United States.
