HELENA, MONTANA– A mysterious Chinese spy balloon that has been floating up in the United States sky this past week has suddenly crashed into the ground early this morning after it had caught on fire and began malfunctioning, adding to the long list of ineffective “Made in China” merchandise.
According to multiple people, the cheaply made spy balloon only lasted a few days and has sparked a nationwide debate on America’s reliance on Chinese products, rather than using spy balloons made in the USA.
A representative for China told American officials that they guarantee the quality of their products and are offering a refurbished spy balloon replacement at no additional charge as long as President Biden acts within the next seven days.
“We guarantee high quality of our spy balloon products exported from China,” said Wáng Hùnzhàng, a spokesman for President Xi Jinping. “We go through vigorous testing of spy equipment on our own people before we enter airspace of other country to steal very, very important security information.”
Hùnzhàng went on to say that perhaps the United States was not using the Chinese spy balloon properly by not allowing the surveillance equipment to properly gather the pertinent information that it came to steal.
The representative added that China’s President Xi wants Americans to feel confident using Chinese-made products again and to make up for the broken spy balloon he will be donating a free, brand new COVID virus at no additional charge.
