AUSTIN, TEXAS– A local woman has heeded the CDC’s recommendation and has given up the dangerous consumption of stroke-causing eggs for the much safer habit of smoking crack cocaine.
Gayle McMoron is the smart woman who has chosen to listen to the expert’s advice without question by believing wholeheartedly that eggs are now causing mass amounts of people to die suddenly and not because they all took the COVID vaccine.
“I’ve given up eating eggs and I’m now smoking crack cocaine because I trust the science,” said McMoron while she struggled to breathe. “Thankfully all my dead, vaccinated, liberal friends also stopped eating eggs due to the risks of stroke and heart attacks or their deaths may have been much worse.”
The experts have claimed that the evidence is crystal clear, saying that every single case of someone dying suddenly within the last two years was caused by either eggs, racism, climate change, gas stoves, making the bed, sleeping, being awake, wearing clothes, not wearing clothes, blinking, and/or breathing.
President Biden has called the stroke-inducing eggs a national crisis and has urged everyone to get vaccinated and boosted to protect themselves and to stay at least six feet away from all eggs.
