CHAPPAQUA, NEW YORK– Former president and First Husband Bill Clinton gave a statement today regarding his involvement with mysterious billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein, stating that he has irrefutable proof that he wasn’t involved in the illegal activities on Epstein’s Island of Sin and has never flown on the Lolita Express.
According to the statement, Clinton denies having any knowledge of Epstein’s alleged pedophile behavior and that he has never been on the registered sex offender’s weird sex island because he loves his wife Hillary too much.
Clinton’s statement went on to say that he truly loves his wife Hillary and would never do that to her, even going as far as pinky swearing with a man that allegedly resembled Epstein but wasn’t actually Epstein because the two never met.
The former president’s spokesman says that he “knows nothing” about the “terrible crimes” due to his deep affection for his loving and beautiful wife, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
A second spokesman for Clinton’s first spokesman says that he believes the former president’s first spokesman’s statement about Clinton not knowing anything about Epstein’s alleged criminal activities on Pedophile Island because of how much he is truly and madly in love with his darling wife and is not interested in any other women.
“Leave them alone, they’re in love,” said the second spokesman regarding Clinton’s devotion to his beloved wife. “The faithful former president pinky swears that he’s never been to Epstein’s island or on his airplane and in fact has never even met the billionaire. Bill and Hillary are the perfect couple.”
When asked about the numerous photos showing Clinton on Epstein’s private Caribbean island, the spokesman said that these were obviously photoshopped because the devoted former president loves his gorgeous wife Hillary, he swears.
