U.S.– After hearing the news that Congress was sending another $45 billion to Ukraine, thousands of homeless US military veterans have taken an unprecedented move by raising the flag of Ukraine in a desperate attempt to get aid from the government for whom they had once served.
Dozens of homeless people peppered around the streets of Washington DC watched as President Joe Biden laid out a $50,000 Persian rug for Ukraine President Zelensky to walk on in honor of the little foreign man who has helped the United States to launder so much money.
“Can you spare some change for an old veteran who hasn’t eaten in two weeks?” Asked one hungry homeless man before Biden shoved $20,000 down the front of Zelensky’s pants. “I heard that flying a Ukraine flag can get someone support from the US government. I don’t need billions, maybe just a few dollars.”
While walking into the Capitol Building to listen to his leader Zelensky give a riveting speech about how his wife needs more money to go shopping, Republican Mitch McConnell stopped in front of a few homeless veterans to lecture them on the priorities of Congress.
“Our number one priority right now is taking care of Ukraine and President Zelensky,” said McConnell as he blew his nose into a hundred dollar bill. “How dare you homeless bums be so selfish demanding food and a place to live while President Zelensky is in dire need of a third mansion. How else can he defeat Russia unless he buys another million dollar home?”
After hearing Zelensky’s impassioned plea for more money and supplies, Democrats and Republicans drafted up another bipartisan bill that would further strip homeless Americans of necessities by confiscating all of their belongings, tents, etc. and then shipping everything off to Ukraine in an effort to defeat Putin.
