WASHINGTON– To celebrate the atrocities and lives lost on the anniversary of 9/11, President Joe Biden has promised grieving Americans that he plans on commemorating the horrible event by sending another $3 trillion to Ukraine.
While inside a 9/11 memorial graveyard, Biden trampled over a few American flags to get up close and personal with a large flag of Ukraine and once in front of it he saluted it as a way to show his respect to all the Americans who have sacrificed their money to send over to Ukraine’s President Zelensky.
“I’d like to pay tribute to all those Americans who lost their taxpayer dollars by sending more money to Ukraine,” said Biden as his eyes welled up with emotion at the thought of another 10% for the big guy. “Due to the 9/11 terrorist attacks that happened on May 32, 1959, I hereby declare that I will be sending a few more trillion dollars to, uh, that Ukulele country next to that Putin guy.”
Biden went on to say that all donations to the 9/11 relief fund will go straight into President Zelensky’s bank account so that he can finally build that indoor swimming pool inside of his fourth mansion.
“Listen, Jack, anyone who disagrees with sending trillions of dollars to Ukraine to commemorate 9/11 is a rightwing, fascist, MAGA Republican,” said Biden with fire in his diapered loins. “The only way we’re going to defeat these domestic terrorists is to get Zelensky that tenth Rolex watch and twenty-first gold chain he desperately needs to hold back Russia.”
Wearing nine Rolex watches and twenty gold chains, President Zelensky gave a brief 9/11 speech castigating the American people for their selfishness at questioning his integrity and for also wondering where all their money has actually gone.
