WASHINGTON– Immediately after getting millions of Americans hopes up that he was going to cancel their student debt, President Joe Biden retracted his offer to forgive student loans once he realized that the approximately $300 billion was supposed to be sent to Ukraine in the country’s 69,000th financial aid package.
Going off script again, Biden told millions of American people he was planning on buying their votes by cancelling out their student debt, only to be reminded by his handlers that the money was actually scheduled to be sent to Ukraine to be laundered back into the elite’s bank accounts.
“Folks, I have great news,” said Biden in a speech Thursday morning to clear up any confusion. “I’ve been told by someone, who may or may not be Obama, that the money I said I was going to use to cancel your student debt is actually supposed to go to Ukraine. I’m certain Americans will have no problem staying in debt so that I can send another $300 billion to President Zelensky.”
Sources claim Ukraine President Zelensky was sweating bullets and becoming very upset after hearing the news that Biden was going to give billions of dollars to Americans rather than sending another aid package to Ukraine.
“I was reading President Biden’s Twitter X post and thinking ‘What’s he doing?'” Zelensky said in reference to the student loan forgiveness. “I immediately called the US and said that he must’ve made a mistake, and to my pleasant surprise, he did.”
Biden also said that due to America’s nonexistent inflation, the Big Guy will now require 35% in kickbacks instead of the usual 10%.
