WASHINGTON– With the sudden announcement of Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer’s retirement, Joe Biden began going through a list of qualifications he’s looking for in the future SCOTUS replacement, saying that being corrupt is the number one skill he’s looking for.
Even though Biden explained that the new Justice also has to be a black, lesbian, handicapped, blind, woman of color who identifies as a nonbinary communist unicorn, he said all those other qualities don’t matter if the new appointment to the high court isn’t crooked and unethical.
“If the Supreme Court pick’s not corrupt, then you ain’t my nominee,” said Biden as him and Nancy Pelosi interviewed a group of felons for the upcoming SCOTUS job. “It’s my job as president to find the most unscrupulous justice who will rule in my favor in case Hunter’s shady business deals ever actually get investigated and not just swept under the rug by the FBI.”
Biden went on to say that retiring Justice Breyer wasn’t far-left enough for the direction the US is headed and said that he’s looking for a replacement who’ll be willing to massacre unvaccinated American citizens once all the quadruple-vaccinated addicts start dropping dead from the totally safe gene therapy shots.
“It’s also about time the Supreme Court had an actual corrupt black man sitting on the bench,” said Biden after taking off his white hood. “Maybe once that white supremacist Clarence Thomas retires I can finally nominate a real black man as Justice. Like that big, strong guy I used to work with back in the day. Uh, what’s his name? Oh yeah, Michelle Obama.”
