SEATTLE, WASHINGTON– In an effort to wean himself off the more hardcore drugs, a local man named Alan Cummings has given up his deadly COVID vaccine addiction and has taken up the safer, more mild opioid drug heroin.
Cummings became addicted to the coronavirus vaccine after his dealer Dr. Fauci got him hooked on the gene therapy shots by giving him a few free samples of the mysterious serum to start with.
“Getting off the COVID vaccine was one of the most difficult things in my life,” said Cummings as he reflected on his past vaccine addiction. “If it wasn’t for some caring family members who begged me to start injecting myself with the much safer heroin I probably wouldn’t be here to talk about it.”
The now much healthier heroin addict said that he was getting high off the COVID vaccines up to thirty times a day, even forcing his nurse wife to steal COVID-19 vials from the hospital where she worked to enable his drug problem.
“I saw so many of my close friends drop dead after overdosing on the vaccines,” said Cummings as news reporters applauded him while he shot up heroin in front of the cameras. “My message to all the young people out there is if you’re going to do drugs then do something more mild, like meth or crack cocaine.
