HONOLULU, HAWAII– With the government of Hawaii becoming more authoritarian by the day, patriotic, freedom-loving Hawaiian citizens have decided to brave the rough waters of the Pacific Ocean by using homemade rafts to get to Florida, the freest state in America.
Reminiscent of Cubans fleeing Communist Cuba, oppressed Hawaiians have been crafting rickety rafts and decrepit dinghies in an effort to get to Florida to be able to enjoy both bodily autonomy and the taste of freedom without forced vaccines and other insane mandates by rogue Democrat politicians and judges.
“I almost forgot what freedom was like after living in Hawaii for the last ten years,” said Benjamin Washington after finally making it to the Florida shoreline after six months out at sea. “Even though I lost both my legs to sharks and had one of my eyeballs eaten by hungry seagulls, it’s still better than living under the communist regime of Hawaii.”
Many Hawaiians reiterated Washington’s sentiment, especially after Hawaii’s far-left Democrat Governor David Ige recently mandated that citizens have to take nine boosters a day up their buttholes before they’re even allowed to leave their house for five minutes.
Due to the extreme influx of people moving to Florida to enjoy freedoms and a normal life, Governor Ron DeSantis said that he will be annexing the state of Georgia to make room for all the new people and will also be relieving Governor Brian Kemp of his duties since he’s useless anyway.
