BETHESDA, MARYLAND– As if millions of Americans weren’t already disgusted by his gruesome experiments on canines, Dr. Fauci decided the thrill of the kill wasn’t enough and that he needed to taunt his victims even further by wearing a dog costume during a recent interview.
While giving his fifty thousandth CNN interview Wednesday about the public’s need to wear ninety-nine masks while alone in their vehicle, the costumed Fauci stated that more experimental dog research needs to be done to better understand the mysterious Omicron variant.
“I’ve been working like a dog trying to find a cure for this new variant,” said Fauci as he stuck out his tongue and panted. “People need to wear as many masks as possible or they’ll be as sick as a dog. This is a dog-eat-dog world and only the most vaccinated will survive.”
After growling at the host, Fauci lifted up his leg and then urinated on the carpet, saying, “We can’t just let sleeping dogs lie here. We have to attack this virus head on and not just simply call off the dogs.”
When asked by the host how mutilating puppies helps to better understand COVID, Fauci smiled and howled at the ceiling while scratching himself with his foot.
According to several sources, Joe Biden’s new White House puppy Commander has mysteriously gone missing only moments before witnesses saw Fauci fleeing the scene while driving a large, white dog catcher truck.
