WASHINGTON– The January 6 Committee voted to hold President Donald Trump responsible for the very serious crime of stealing third base while he played Little League Baseball over 60 years ago as a young, lawbreaking 11-year-old boy.
The serious resolution was passed unanimously by both Democrats and Democrats posing as Republicans and will now head to the Justice Department where Trump could face either up to 1,000 years in federal prison or have his youth baseball trophies revoked, whichever one the panel members decide will inflict the most mental anguish.
“Trump’s blatant disregard for the rule of law when he stole bases during a baseball game in 1957 shows his contempt for our great democracy,” said Rep. Bennie G. Thompson (D-Miss.) with fire in his loins. “We now have substantial proof and witnesses of ex-President Trump’s coup attempt during the last inning of a Little League playoff game to steal the win from the opposing team.”
After recently begging the Democrats to let her join their jackass donkey party, Vice Chair Liz Cheney noted that her former Republican colleague’s refusal to take this matter seriously is why she decided to leave the GOP.
“Trump’s criminal actions during that youth playoff game is one of the most tragic events in the history of the United States,” said Cheney heatedly while also proud of her father Dick Cheney’s crimes against humanity when he served under Bush Jr. “Our House Committee will also be filing charges against Trump’s former third base coach who urged the 11-year-old ex-President to steal third base.”
Cheney stated that the House of Representatives panel subpoenaed Trump’s third base coach even though the man has been dead for 42 years.
“We’re doing what’s best for Americans,” said committee member Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) with a straight face. “The American people’s main concern right now is that Trump faces justice for this serious baseball crime, not with trivial things like soaring inflation, unemployment, and deaths from mandatory experimental injections.”
