CHICAGO, ILLINOIS– Immediately after being sentenced to prison for staging a race-baiting hoax to further his acting career, Jussie Smollett begged the judge for leniency, claiming that he fears for his life and is worried that he’ll be Smolletted while serving his time.
Smollett informed the presiding judge that sticking him in a prison cell with the very same man who attacked him is a recipe for disaster and reminded the court of what happened to another famous prisoner named Jeffrey Epstein.
“Please, I’m begging the court to show me mercy the same way I showed my attacker mercy when I forgave him,” said an emotional Smollett while his attacker sat in court and whispered that he’s a dead man. “If you put me in that cell I’m going to get Smolletted the same way Jeffrey Epstein got Epsteined.”
The disgraced actor also stressed that he is not suicidal and has no intentions of killing himself inside of his cell with a flimsy bedsheet that would somehow give him a broken hyoid bone.
While doing a tour promoting her MasterClass lessons on how to assassinate someone who knows all your dirty secrets, second place presidential finisher Hillary Clinton chimed in on Smollett’s case and reminded the actor about what happens to prisoners who start talking to authorities about all the times they all hung out together on Epstein’s Island.
