LONDON, ENGLAND– An all-new, scary virus variant suddenly happening somewhere in some part of the world has forced UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson to raise the current COVID threat level from “Severe” to “Oh My God, This Really Is The Big One This Time.”
The latest frightening variant is called BS-69, which stands for Bullshit-69 because this one’s definitely not bullshit this time.
While giving an emergency COVID threat response press conference this morning in front of 10 Downing Street, a visibly shaken Johnson informed the numerous coconspirator news reporters that the new, dangerous, and super-duper scary variant BS-69 is spreading quickly from South Africa and will be on the UK’s doorstep whenever all the British politicians can get their stories straight.
“I’m afraid we’re all going to die this time, chaps,” said Johnson as he pinched his leg to force out crocodile tears for the cameras. “This new COVID threat is even more deadlier than the last one, which is why I have no other alternative but to raise the threat level to ‘Oh My God, This Really Is The Big One This Time.'”
As all the members of the media gasped in horror as if planned to happen at that exact moment, Johnson made sad eyes and urged every single citizen of the UK to please take this latest virus variant even more serious than they did the last 5,000 times he said it was the big one.
Johnson stated the new variant mostly affects white citizens and that one of the main adverse side effects is coming down with blackface and spouting off racist remarks.
“This is yet another example of Africa sending us their worst,” said a now bigoted Johnson while wearing blackface after catching the virus within the last five minutes. “I can’t even jog safely at night anymore with all those other joggers roaming the streets.”
“Oh My God, This Really Is The Big One This Time” is the UK’s most serious threat level and Big Pharma funded virologists are warning people that this variant is extremely intelligent and has already figured out how to evade the highly effective and totally safe vaccines that people were told would end the two year long pandemic.
UPDATE: After this article was written, it was reported that due to the South African variant causing blackface side effects and being deemed racist, the British government decided to drop the African virus scam and say the variant came from the much whiter area of Cracker, Montana.
Another globalist POS.