KENOSHA, WISCONSIN– Immediately after a jury found Kyle Rittenhouse not guilty on all charges, lead prosecutor Thomas Binger filed charges against the AR-15 weapon used in the 2020 incident and is seeking the death penalty for the gun.
Witnesses in the courtroom claimed that Binger became enraged when the not guilt verdict was being read and proceeded to jump up and down on top of the judge’s desk and promised the world that someone will face justice for what had happened, even if that someone is an inanimate object like a rifle.
“I can’t lose my reputation over this loss, so I’ll make sure someone goes to prison for this crime,” said Binger in tears as Rittenhouse walked over the prosecutor sprawled out across the floor. “If I can just prove to a jury that the AR-15 committed premeditated murder then surely I can redeem myself and gain more Twitter clout.”
With Rittenhouse being cleared of all charges and the prosecutor already having his sights set on the gun, Antifa protestors outside of the courthouse began chanting that the white supremacist, domestic terrorist AR-15 better be found guilty or they promise they will burn down every gun shop for the next month, or until their George Soros money runs out.
Mainstream news media outlets are already saying that the AR-15 is guilty of both murder and wearing blackface while committing its crimes and is calling for the racist, Donald Trump-supporting gun to be executed by firing squad.
The gun’s been hiding inside Biden’s colon.