PARIS, FRANCE– Several outbreaks of severe bird poop downpours in Europe and Asia have been reported this week to the World Organization for Animal Defecation, in a sign that the dreaded messy virus known as bird crap is spreading quickly again.
The spread of smelly avian excrement, commonly called bird shit, has put world governments on high alert after previous outbreaks led to the mandatory washing of millions of vehicles to remove the splattered feces to prevent damage to people’s property.
In response to the dangerous fecal matter, officials in France immediately locked down the entire country as a way to keep citizens under a never-ending authoritarian rule.
Due to most people figuring out the COVID pandemic was a hoax, said French President Emmanuel Macron, world leaders put their brilliant minds together and came up with a new scare tactic that they truly believe will cause even the strongest of stomachs to become queasy once they look at it.
“Fiente d’oiseau, or as Americans like to call it, bird shit,” said Macron as he dined on fried seagull droppings. “Yes, us world leaders admit that we’re running out of ideas to use as excuses to keep people under lockdown.”
After wiping the whitish-brown food debris from his lips, Macron added, “I have to make sure we prevent the contamination of our country with the dangerous affliction known as freedom. How else will we usher in the Great Reset?”
Because of the similarities between the bird dropping pandemic and the president of the United States, medical experts are calling this noxious problem the Biden Flu.
Epidemiologists in China have recently discovered the highly contagious bird poop sickness can definitely be transmitted to humans, so be on the lookout for birds flying overhead whenever walking outside.
Experts say side effects of the fowl feces include, stains on clothing, tired arms from washing vehicles, and having to wash one’s hair multiple times a day.
I hear it’s good luck to get crapped on.
Time to lockdown forever.
Maybe Biden is part seagull.