SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– With the current outbreak of the deadly virus known as mainstream media propaganda, progressives across the country have flooded plastic surgeons’ offices to get their masks permanently attached to their faces in an effort to stay even safer than before.
Numerous reputable news outlets like CNN blasted stock photo images of fake patients lying on hospital beds into the televisions inside liberal homes, causing the terrified people to run to their local surgeons to get their masks sewn over their nose and mouth in fear of catching whatever it is they were told was the latest deadly emergency that will most certainly kill all of mankind this time.
“I thought I was safe wearing my mask for 20 hours a day until MSNBC told me that it’s not enough,” said Gabby Miller after waking up from her mask-suturing surgery. “They said this new viral strain is even deadlier than the last 500 ones and to protect myself I need to get a cloth mask stapled across my face. Thank goodness I have the trustworthy news to tell me how to think.”
When asked by reporters how she plans on eating with her mouth covered at all times, Gabby said she stopped eating food recently anyway after finding out that Donald Trump supporters also eat food.
“I was eating at a restaurant two weeks ago when someone walked by the window and called me a bigoted Trump supporter for chewing,” said Gabby as blood from her wounds ran down her pallid skin. “My suspicions were confirmed that night after CNN said eating is not only racist, but can cause my nine vaccine shots to be ineffective against COVID
