DOVER, DELAWARE– Joe Biden’s German Shepherd Major is being questioned by police after allegedly attacking his owner with a club and fracturing his ankle, saying he couldn’t fathom the thought of the former vice president destroying the United States if he ends up getting into the White House.
According to Biden’s teleprompter, the alleged Democratic president-elect suffered the injury on Saturday when his pet dog hit him on the back of the leg with a wooden club. The ambush happened following a meeting Biden had with a few friendly Bush-era Republican warmongers about the future wars he plans on starting with reluctant Third World Middle East countries.
Major told police he became enraged when he overheard Biden saying that once he officially steals the election from Donald Trump he will begin dismantling the country on his first day in office by letting his vice president Kamala Harris make all the presidential decisions, including where to hide the evidence from Hunter’s laptop.
“I couldn’t in good conscience let that traitor follow through with his diabolical schemes,” Major told reporters after leaving the police station. “I’m a patriot and my loyalty lies with the United States, not with the man who makes me sleep outside in the cold Delaware winters every year.”
The patriotic pooch went on to say that he agrees with President Trump’s America First agenda, but has to hide his support for the president for fear of backlash from neighborhood dogs who would bite him and throw Molotov cocktails at his doghouse if they ever found out the truth.
This isn’t the first time Biden has been attacked by ones of his dogs for political reasons. In April 2020, Biden’s other dog Champ–who is a fervent Bernie Sanders supporter–pushed the former vice president down a flight of stairs for stealing the Democratic primary from Sanders.
