SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– Nancy Pelosi and President Xi Jinping of China recently got matching best friend tattoos of each other’s faces, formally letting the world know that not only is their BFF relationship serious, but it’s also permanent.
Speaker of the House Pelosi posted a photo of her and President Xi’s new tattoos on her Instagram account. The good friends got the matching ink while the Chinese politician was visiting the United States to see if he was getting his money’s worth out of the orchestrated riots he helped fund.
“After I drove President Xi around California to check out all the minor damage from the peaceful protesters, we passed a tattoo parlor that hadn’t yet been burned down to the ground,” Pelosi said to CNN news reporters, sticking a flask back into her coat pocket.
“President Xi immediately became enraged when he saw a small American business undamaged and demanded I get out and burn it myself. After he forcefully kicked me out of the limo and I became conscious again, I got the genius idea of getting matching BFF tattoos to let everyone know where I stand with China.”
Pelosi blushed as she spoke of her close, personal relationship to the often misunderstood communist dictator, saying comrade Xi only wants what’s best for the world in his quest for total global domination.
“President Xi is the kind of man that any woman would be happy to have deposit loads of cash into her secret account to help truly make America great again,” Pelosi told CNN staff while they edited her words to somehow blame Donald Trump.
“Once people in America see the real Xi Jinping after he takes over the US, I’m sure they’ll be more than willing to give up all their freedoms and then get their own tattoos of China’s affectionate leader.”
