SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– The beloved Easter Bunny was arrested this morning in a violent altercation with police for not wearing a protective face mask out in public during the mandatory state coronavirus lockdown.
At least thirteen police officers beat and tased the Easter Bunny for not wearing a mask while he was foolishly delivering eggs to neighboring homes, with many worried Californians praising authorities for getting the thoughtless rabbit off the streets.
The incident took place after numerous concerned citizens spotted the hazardous hare hopping from house to house in an effort to drop Easter eggs off at the homes of the state’s children.
According to police, relieved people were cheering from behind their closed windows as officers dragged the rascally rabbit across the pavement before throwing him into the back of a sanitized squad car.
Mary Higgins, a mother of three, told CNN reporters by email that the Easter Bunny should be executed for putting everyone’s lives in jeopardy for not wearing a mask in public or for not utilizing proper social distancing techniques.
“Millions of people are dying and this psychopathic bunny murderer is walking out in public without a mask,” Mary told online reporters as her children looked on from behind their homemade plastic bubbles. “I’m calling on Governor Newsom to make even stricter regulations because this twenty-four hour-a-day lockdown obviously isn’t enough.”
In a statement put out by the governor’s office, Gavin Newsom said that he will be revising the state executive order quarantine by locking up worried citizens inside the state’s now empty prison cells for a minimum of five years, or until the virus has been completely defeated, whichever one comes second.
Even though the governor’s updated mandate has been well-received, many California citizens have stated that it’s still not enough and are requesting further government protection from the viral outbreak by temporarily killing them and then reanimating them once it’s finally safe to exit their homes and all the world’s viruses are gone.
Awesome.
The Easter Bunny should’ve just said he’s an illegal alien, being that he’s from Easter Island.