NEW YORK, NEW YORK– With gas prices hitting some of their highest levels in months since Joe Biden worked his magic, many people are forgoing filling up at the tank in favor of pushing their cars or trucks around town.
According to petroleum analyst Patrick Butane, gas prices have risen to almost $6 a gallon in The Empire State and will hit as high as $11 a gallon by December.
“You may close your eyes for one second and when you open them up the price has gone up by $3,” says Butane as he rubbed two sticks together.
Butane says the optimism surrounding Alec Baldwin’s lackluster Donald Trump impersonation has helped propel oil prices, which has seen sanctions being placed on the entire network, effectively cutting off the flow of comedy from that show.
An unnamed expert has surmised that 2 out of 5 drivers are now pushing their vehicles around the country, and that number is supposed to increase by the end of the year.
Due to the sudden increase of car pushers, the governor of New York has implemented ‘Car Pushing’ lanes across the state. Brave individuals who choose to push their vehicles around can now do so safely in the lane that used to be a bike only lane.
The governor wants everyone to know that at the moment ‘Car Pushing’ lanes are only for vehicles 3,000 lbs and over. Any vehicle less than 3,000 lbs must use the sidewalk.
No word yet on whether other blue states will follow.
