EARTH– Famous celebrity Climate Change recently gave an interview on Entertainment Weekly about its decision to come out as Environmentally Fluid, which it claims is a more befitting description of how it feels.
Climate Change stated that using the word “change” is too rigid because, even though all of its four yearly seasons and weather patterns do change, the climate system is much more complicated and diverse than that.
“No matter if it’s spring, summer, winter, or fall,” Climate Change started to say, “my seasons fluctuate more than most people realize. Sometimes I feel like throwing a snowstorm in the summer and sometimes I want to unleash a massive heatwave in the winter. My climate, my choice.
“Me identifying as Environmentally Fluid is not even related to my seasons or weather patterns. It’s simply my identity.”
Climate Change went on to say that on some days it doesn’t even feel like it has a season, let alone adhering to a strict calendar schedule set by a patriarchal, authoritarian government.
Although Climate Change has received mostly positive reviews from its supporters, many Climate Change deniers claim that it’s not possible to change patterns from one day to the next.
“You’re only in this for the money,” tweeted a woman on Climate Change’s Twitter account. “You’ve been around for so long and now all of a sudden you’re coming out as unpredictably fluid? Sure!”
It took Climate a long time to try and evaluate why it has been receiving so much backlash for its identity.
“I was like ‘What the f**k’,” Climate added angrily. “I started thinking I must be doing something wrong here if so many people don’t believe me or think I’m making this s**t up for attention or money.
“So, just because I’m Environmentally Fluid that means I can’t be cold on some days that are not normally cold and vice versa? Maybe I need to come up with another term to describe myself so I don’t piss off so many people. Maybe I’ll just go back to Characteristic Weather.”
