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Home » TECH + HEALTH » I’m Not A Doctor, But I Play One In Yahoo Comment Sections

TECH + HEALTH

I’m Not A Doctor, But I Play One In Yahoo Comment Sections

Daily Soak Staff
Last updated: February 3, 2020 9:34 pm
Daily Soak Staff
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4 Min Read
Middle aged, fat white man wearing scrubs on laptop in basement.
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AUGUSTA, MAINE– Feeling the pinch from rising doctor’s bills? Then you’re not alone.

With the price of physician visits rising every year, more and more people are searching for ways to cut those costs and preferably find answers to all of their strange physical maladies for free on the internet.

People with no medical degrees or training whatsoever who play professional doctors online in comment sections have been rising dramatically over the last few years. Many intelligent individuals are now turning to these qualified online experts for their vast amounts of medical knowledge and skill.

Most of these internet doctors are now being recognized and heralded as the future of modern medicine by various medical groups such as the AMA (Alaskan Magician’s Assistants).

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One such medical expert, who goes by the username Dr. House, is a frequent contributor to Yahoo comment sections and has received his vast medical training by reading articles posted to reputable medical sites, such as Facebook and Twitter.

Dr. House says that him and his online colleagues have become frustrated with the “usual, university-taught, phony, so-called doctors” who spend years in medical school and residency training and give out false information to unsuspecting patients who don’t know any better.

Parody post in a Yahoo comment section.
Online medical experts with no conventional training like Dr. House are being heralded as the future of modern medicine, contributing their valuable time to Yahoo medical stories.

“Regular medical doctors should be stripped of their title and license,” online expert Dr. House stated in a comment section on a random Huffington Post article. “What do they know? They’re giving innocent victims incorrect information and making ridiculous claims, such as if cancer’s left untreated it can be deadly or that smoking can contribute to lung cancer. Preposterous!”

Many of these comment section physicians claim that they have acquired more knowledge and skill by merely watching a few YouTube videos than any of these board certified “quack physicians” who have with years of university training.

On a Daily Beast article titled “Physician Says To Avoid High Saturated, Trans Fat Foods To Reduce Chance Of Heart Disease,” Dr. House was kind enough to set the record straight by helping out a 62 year old man with two previous heart attacks who is suffering from shortness of breath and rapid heartbeat by informing him that abstaining from hydrogenated oils, saturated, trans fat, high cholesterol foods is not necessary.

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The busy Dr. House told the man that one of the best ways to avoid heart disease would be to “increase cholesterol count, eat plenty of fatty, saturated foods, and cut down on all exercise.”

So in closing, whether you suffer from hemorrhoids or kidney failure, experts are predicting that these more highly-skilled online comment section physicians will one day outnumber and eventually replace all the typical low-skilled medical doctors that you see in offices and hospitals.

⚠️ This highly acclaimed article is satire.

TAGGED:DoctorFacebookFraudMedicalRated GTwitter XYahoo

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