Experts Say That Going Naked Is Less Offensive Than Wearing Clothes

REESES, PENNSYLVANIA– Are your clothes offending someone? Then perhaps you should start walking around naked.

With all the hype lately surrounding the racist or offensive clothing that people are wearing, experts are telling everyone that not wearing any clothes at all will be a much safer and less offensive option.

After numerous people with blue check marks by their names took to social media site Twitter to point out the fact that wearing clothing is offensive to nudists, experts in the field of clothing psychology immediately jumped in to agree.

Jack Kett, a professor of clothing psychology, also pointed out the fact that a great majority of clothing is actually made from plants. He claims that many people are offended that these plants are being murdered to make clothing for selfish, racist humans.

“So many clothes used to be derived from animals,” Kett explained as hundreds of people protested outside of his laboratory demanding that Kett stop saying the offensive word clothing. “Plant rights groups argue that these plants are being mistreated and that Congress needs to step in and make it illegal to torture plants for clothing.”

Kett went on to say that going naked may be the only option in the war on offensive, racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic clothing.

Polly Esther heads up the Northeast chapter of the anti-everything group Everything Is Offensive, So Please Die and says that it’s about time that people stop being “plantophobic” and bury your clothing in the ground now so that it will feed current living plants.

Jim Reaper heads up the Southwest chapter of anti-anti-everything group Everything is Offensive, So Please Die Group Is Offensive, So Please Live and says that Polly Esther’s group Please Die is “aliveophobic” and offensive to those who are still living.