TRENTON, NEW JERSEY– The end of the world has officially come and gone in the northeast and the numerous survivors are already preparing themselves for the next apocalyptic snowflakes.
In New Jersey alone, at least 5 million people have not died and another 3 million never left the comfort of their couch. Sources claim that the people who stayed indoors suffered the most.
Prior and also during the snowfall, supermarkets were inundated with frantic shoppers who wanted to stock up on last minute apocalyptic items in an effort to be ready for their finality.
Shoppers like Kyle Youngston stood in line at the supermarket for two hours while the dreadful few inches of snow fell.
“This’s gonna be the big one this time,” Youngston told reporters as he stocked up on thirty loaves of bread and another shopping cart full of perishable items. “I wanna be ready just in case this snow kills me. What better way to prepare for my last day on earth than with six gallons of milk and ten frozen pizzas.”
Even though some detractors claim that it is ridiculous to stock up on so many items every time someone says the word “snow”, some people claim otherwise. Shopper Diana Farzetti says that there’s no telling how long she’ll be stuck indoors once the two inches of snow falls.
“Never take these snowfalls lightly,” Farzetti explained, her voice panic-stricken. “The last time the snow fell, I was stuck inside my home for three hours. Thank God I had enough canned foods to get me through those hard times. I was blessed to have actually survived that quarter inch of snow.”
When asked by reporters on how the snow is supposedly so dangerous when she got into her car and traveled out into it, Farzetti screamed that the end is near and then ran out the exit door. No word on whether she made it home alive or whether she had enough ice cream to make it through the horrific ordeal.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars