BENTON, OHIO– Due to a number of unexplained eerie instances inside of warehouses, a group of shoe manufacturers have decided to do away with all their size 13 shoe lines and create a new size that will represent the old, unlucky number.
According to a statement put out by American shoe company Sleebok, an inordinate amount of shoes and sneakers of various sizes have had their tongues and shoelaces mysteriously cut, slashed, or removed while inside of warehouses and shoe stores. The only sizes not affected by the violent acts were all the 13’s.
After noticing a spike in the strange occurrences on Halloween, companies like Sleebok went back and checked on their video surveillance and that is when they made a startling discovery.
Barry Franchetti, a spokesman for Sleebok, says that the size 13 shoes appeared to have almost come to life and mutilate shoes of other sizes.
“Our biggest concern is for our customers who may have purchased any of our size 13 products,” Franchetti said as workers scrambled to remove the number 13 from all their inventory and write the new size in its place. “Police are looking into any connections between customers who have purchased size 13 shoes or sneakers and unexplained murders.”
Some researchers claim that the reason the number 13 is so unlucky is because so many people have become morbidly obese due to eating too many bakers dozen pastries in one sitting.
“Thanks to our topnotch research team,” Franchetti added as he offered reporters donuts from his bakers dozen, “we’ve come up with a new size that will forever replace the old, unlucky number 13. Starting in 2017, all size 13 shoes will now be called ‘The Number Formally Known As the Number Between 12 and 14’ size. I realize it’s a tad long, but eventually it’ll catch on.”
Any retailers still carrying size 13’s in their stockrooms are being asked to use any means necessary to scrape off the number 13 on every shoe and then use a marker to write “The Number Formally Known As the Number Between 12 and 14” on it.
Due to pressure from numerous superstition watch groups, many clothes manufacturers, food companies, book publishers, etc. are being asked to also remove the scary number from products.
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