TOPEKA, KANSAS– Scientists from the Topeka Aeronautics Center have stated that, not only is it possible to huff and puff and blow a house down, but it also takes very little effort.
According to a year long study performed at the Center, if inhaled air is held in long enough, it builds up enough carbon dioxide that amplifies the strength of a mammals expiratory muscles.
“For years it was accepted as just a myth,” head researcher Dr. Einstein Albert told Science Daily magazine. “Years ago, our Center was created to dispel archaic myths and children’s fairy tales in the hopes that people can once and for all stop believing in such nonsense. Well, I think we proved today that this nonsensical nonsense is nonsensically sensible.”
Exhaled air is rich in carbon dioxide, says Dr. Albert, a waste product of cellular respiration which is stored as ATP.
“ATP is key,” he added as he inhaled deep and held it for a minute before blowing the hat off of the Science Daily reporter. “Ha, you see that! I knocked the hat off of your very large head with only a minimal amount of carbon dioxide buildup. Imagine what I could do if I held my breath in for, let’s say, five minutes. I could probably blow your entire body up against the wall behind you.”
Dr. Albert warns that this power in the wrong hands could lead to disastrous consequences.
“There is a downside to all of this,” he said glumly, shaking his gray head. “Once word of this superhuman power gets out, it just may fall into the wrong hands. Imagine if a couple criminals decided to use this power for nefarious purposes. They’d be able to blow down a bank, rob it, and blow away any police cars that were in the area, all in less than five breaths.”
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