New Prescription Drugs For Cars

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– A new line of drugs that is marketed specifically for automobiles has been created by Pfizer, one of the largest drug companies in the world, and shows promise in fighting car diseases that have become resistant to conventional treatments and have started to spread to other parts of the car’s body.

Research on weed-whackers shows that these new drugs target and disable certain mechanisms that cause diseases in cars to grow and spread. Scientists at Pfizer have named these new class of drugs Autoimmune Gas69 inhibitors.

“These drugs hit car afflictions harder than a freight-train smashing into a brick wall,” said Dr. Gary Wolfinstein, head researcher on the Autoimmune Gas69 inhibitor project. “This new class of drugs will revolutionize auto treatments, hopefully saving the lives of many cars that would have normally been sold for scrap or would have become living quarters for countless homeless men or even used by working prostitutes.”

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The research done by Wolfinstein and team has been published by the Auto Diseases Journal and reveals important insights into Gas69 and similar proteins responsible for the start and spread of diseases in cars. Wolfinstein suggests that new car treatments may now arise after discovering ways to block them.

“Yes, we have our top mechanics working on subjects right now,” Wolfinstein said, holding up a rust-stricken fender. “Gas69 inhibitors work by blocking the production of abnormal receptors that cause rust to grow on cars. The tests on weed-whackers injected with lab-grown rust cells showed that Gas69 inhibition was effective against the most aggressive rust receptors.”

Wolfinstein warns that these new life-saving drugs don’t come without a few minor side effects. “Unfortunately, every miracle does have its downsides. Our studies have showed that 8 out of 10 weed-whackers treated with these Gas69 inhibitors had extreme hesitation, discolored exhaust fumes, antenna dysfunction, poor fuel circulation, and early death.”