Entire Audience Goes Blind After Watching The View

NEW YORK, NEW YORK– An audience of 150 people has gone blind after sitting through an entire episode taping of ABC’s The View in a case that has been baffling doctors and scientists alike.

The case has received national attention due to the fact that most people who attend a taping of the highly popular program never even make it out of the studio alive. News outlets are already calling this case a View To A Kill, putting the spotlight on The View’s recent failure to make an audience disappear.

According to doctors investigating this strange phenomenon, audience members actually made it out of the studio set with their lives, which actually trumps the fact that they are all now legally blind.

“This’s one of the oddest things I’ve witnessed in my 32 years of practice,” said Dr. Harvey Bushe, lead physician on the View To A Kill case. “Every one of these audience members made it out of the set alive. Typically, whenever someone goes on The View set, they usually disappear somewhere between Ana Navarro’s stomach, Joy Behar’s mouth, and Whoopi Goldberg’s hair. Oh, and the audience is also blind, but that’s peanuts compared to this startling discovery.”

“All the victims in this case are being treated by the world’s top physicians and researchers. For the sake of everyone’s safety, the blind audience members were strapped to tables and placed inside a large, sterilized plastic bubble where they each had their intestines removed.

“I can’t see anything,” 34 year old Jaime Henderson said through the bubble to reporters. “The last thing I remember’s seeing Miss Behar open her mouth and swallow a live rabbit. After that I just blacked out.”

Cases of spontaneous blindness have been reported throughout history, going back as far as the time when Medusa blinded the four-eyed dragon and saved Noah’s Ark from destruction.

“We’re still running diagnostic tests,” Dr. Bushe explained as he removed an audience member’s intestines for research. “We won’t know anything until we cut each and every one of these poor people open and remove every one of their organs for study. There’s no telling how far this cancer’s spread.”

Producers from The View put out a statement assuring the world that this was a rare occurrence and that it won’t happen again.