SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA– A new cat-flavored ice cream has been flying off shelves in South Korea and supermarkets are on constant back-order for the not surprisingly successful new frozen treat. So, what gives?
In what has shocked the world over, other than in South Korea, the Preyers ice cream company has created an ice cream made out of real cat meat specifically for the country of South Korea. Using mass marketed strategies and million dollar advertising, South Korea has made the peculiar dessert a staple food in every home in the country.
“This’s my favorite yummy treat,” said 19 year old college student Sun Yun Park by way of Google translator. “I can’t get enough of this. Cats are becoming more rare here in South Korea and it’s nice that an American company takes an interest in other cultures. I just wish there was a closer ice cream place near me, so I could eat this every day.”
Preyers spokesman Gil Hasenblatt spoke with CNN host Wolf Blitzer on The Situation Room set about South Korea’s wild cat-flavored craze.
“They love it,” Hasenblatt stated with a squirrelly grin, twirling a handlebar mustache. “Our company can’t keep up with demand. We’re currently in talks with South Korean government about building a special Preyers manufacturing plant over there to only make this new ice cream flavor, which we ingeniously named Purrty Good.”
Hard-nosed Blitzer shuffled a few papers around in an effort to appear perturbed.
“How can you do this?” Blitzer asked, staring through his guest. “What about animal rights and millions of people the world over who have cats as pets? I pet a cat once, you know.”
“Relax, Wolf,” Hasenblatt said reassuringly. “There’s no laws governing the use of cat meat as an additive to foods. This’s been going on for decades. Whaddya think goes in all those burgers you buy at supermarkets and restaurants? Do you honestly believe that there’s enough cows in the world to feed seven billion people? Besides, this’s South Korea we’re talking about. They might take offense to you pushing your liberal views on their culture, Wolf. No offense.
“And just so you know, Wolf,” Hasenblatt added, “we slaughter these cats in the most humane way possible. We have Jewish rabbis oversee the whole process and they bless all our cats before we throw them in the grinders still alive. The only problem we have is that we have to keep background music constantly playing inside our grinding room because all the cat cries and howls disturbs a local animal shelter next door to our manufacturing plant.”
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Blitzer probably eats live cats for breakfast, who’s he kidding.