Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Biden-Era Push To Hire More Blind FAA Pilots
WASHINGTON-- Amidst another round of executive orders signed by President Donald Trump was a ban targeting former President Joe Biden's push to hire more blind airplane pilots during the previous…
Zelensky Spies On Russia-Ukraine Peace Talks By Posing As Garden Gnome
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA-- After feeling slighted that he wasn't invited to the Russia-Ukraine peace talks, Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky decided to spy on the secret proceedings in Saudi Arabia by…
Xi Jinping Threatens To Fire Mitch McConnell If He Lets Trump Ban China From Buying US Farmland
BEIJING, CHINA-- After receiving the terrible news that President Donald Trump was planning on banning China from purchasing more US farmland, an incensed Xi Jinping warned his employee Senator Mitch…
Germany’s Sesame Street Introduces New Muppet Character ‘Musaab The Terrorist’
GERMANY-- In the latest episode of Germany's version of Sesame Street called "Sesamstrasse," producers of the show introduced a new character called Musaab, an angry, knife-wielding illegal alien terrorist from…
Awkward Tension On Sesame Street Set After Oscar The Grouch Calls ICE On Big Bird’s Mexican Cousin Abelardo
MANHATTAN, NEW YORK– It was a tense moment on the set of children's television show Sesame Street after Muppet actor Oscar the Grouch called ICE immigration to report Big Bird's…
Trudeau Interrupts USA-Canada Hockey Game To Lecture Players On Toxic Masculinity
MONTREAL, CANADA-- There were many wild moments at last night's hockey game between the United States and Canada, but the highlight of the evening was when Canadian Prime Minister Justin…
Nervous Elizabeth Warren Sends Up Smoke Signals To Warn Democrats Of Elon Musk’s Upcoming Audit
WASHINGTON-- After hearing the unfortunate news that a federal judge had blocked her attempt to stop Elon Musk's DOGE from auditing her organization CFPB, proud squaw Elizabeth Warren nervously sent…
AOC Says We Should Be Welcoming Illegal Aliens So We Can Learn More About Outer Space Stuff
WASHINGTON-- As the Trump administration continues to deal with the millions of illegal invaders that have flooded into the country, New York Rep. AOC has come to the illegal aliens…
Elizabeth Warren Vows To Block RFK Jr. Confirmation While Dressed In Pfizer Sponsor Jacket
WASHINGTON-- The confirmation hearings for President Trump's nominees has faced major opposition from Democrats, including from Senator Elizabeth Warren who vowed today to make sure RFK Jr. does not become…
Sad: Trans Squirrel In Guatemala Wondering How It’s Going To Finish Transitioning After USAID Funding Stopped
GUATEMALA CITY, GUATEMALA-- Elon Musk's DOGE and President Donald Trump's cutting of corrupt USAID funding to nations around the world has left countless individuals in despair, including a large group…
Media Submits Retraction After Discovering Corpse Found In Congress Was Just Mitch McConnell
WASHINGTON-- News media outlets have apologized after reporting that a dead body was discovered in Congress, only later to discover that the seemingly lifeless corpse was just the very much…
DOGE Team Discovers Galactic Empire Was Being Funded By USAID
WASHINGTON-- While auditing the United States Agency For International Development, Elon Musk's DOGE discovered that the autocratic Galactic Empire was being funded by the corrupt federal US agency known as…
