PARIS, FRANCE– As soon as word spread that President Donald Trump was pulling US troops out of Europe, France President Emmanuel Macron quickly announced that The Hexagon country would be increasing their military budget to five percent of its GDP to pay for more white flags of surrender for when America is not there to defend them any longer.
The French president walked up onto a stage for a news conference while waving two white flags just to let the world know that he had already surrendered before any type of conflict had even begun.
“I would like to take this opportunity to tell the world that I have surrendered,” said Macron in French as he wept uncontrollably. “I’m also announcing that France will be increasing its military spending to five percent to pay for millions of white flags for the next battle that we are already surrendering to before it even starts.”
Macron went on to say that the French people have a long and proud history of just giving up when faced with even the slightest bit of pushback, saying, “Us French are a brave and noble people. It takes great courage for someone such as myself to be so weak and cowardly.”
In solidarity with his male companion Macron, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau also announced that he would be surrendering Canada but instead of flags would just be taxing and imprisoning his citizens.
