WASHINGTON– After spending over a billion dollars to beat Donald Trump and still losing in a landslide, failed presidential candidate Kamala Harris began wondering if she could get that old McDonald’s job she lied about to help slowly pay off the $20 million of debt she ended up with for her losing campaign.
While downing a few vodka shots to get up the courage to call the McDonald’s restaurant she claimed to have worked at decades ago, Kamala phoned the local fast-food restaurant near her home and begged the manager to give her the old job back that she never actually had in the first place.
“I’m calling in regard to the job I lied about having before I became a politician,” said Kamala nervously over the phone, trying to restrain her cackling. “You guys remember me, right? I was that little Indian, but sometimes black, girl who didn’t really work there, but I really need that job to get myself back on my feet and off my knees. If you know what I mean?”
Kamala went on to explain that she’s willing to take up a couple extra shifts a week in addition to her main fulltime, useless job of border czar and vice president of the United States.
After getting turned down for the previous McDonald’s job that she never had, Kamala called up former McDonald’s employee and current President-Elect Donald Trump and asked him if he could put in a good word for her and also possibly use him as a reference.
