WASHINGTON– President Joe Biden gave a quick impromptu speech from the Oval Office following the attempted assassination of his Republican opponent Donald Trump, saying that he wished President Ronald Reagan a speedy recovery and told the long deceased former president that he promises to beef up his Secret Service security detail so that it won’t happen again.
Biden said during the speech that he had just spoken to former President Reagan over the phone regarding the assassination attempt on his life back in 1981.
“I just spoke to former President Abraham Lincoln over the phone,” said Biden in reference to Reagan in reference to Trump. “The first thing I said to him was that I didn’t have anything to do with this. We spoke at length for almost an hour even though one of my aides kept telling me to hang up the phone because the dial tone sound was driving her crazy.”
The president reiterated that he had nothing to do with the attempted assassination, but said that the best thing for all of us to do is to move on as quickly as possible without any kinds of pesky investigations or talk about “inside jobs.”
In an effort to make sure Biden believed he was sane, First Lady Jill made Secret Service agents walk around the Oval Office carrying around a cardboard cutout of Reagan, every so often throwing it down onto the ground and pretending they were protecting it.
