PARIS, FRANCE– After threatening to send French troops to help Ukraine and then getting told by Vladimir Putin they would be attacked, France has officially waved the white flag and surrendered to Russia before any conflict has even occurred.
French President Emmanuel Macron gave an emergency press conference to quickly tell the world that France has surrendered due to the mere thought of having to get into a war with Russia, or any other country for that matter.
“As the leader of France, I am officially announcing our surrender to Russian forces,” said Macron as he wept uncontrollably. “Us French people have a long and proud history of just surrendering as soon as we face even the slightest opposition. It takes great courage for a man such as myself to be so cowardly and weak.”
France has stated as part of their surrender they have already offered to let Russia annex their country and then appoint Putin as ruler of the cheese-eating country.
Macron brought his wife Brigitte up on stage and then continued his speech of surrender, saying, “To President Putin and Russia, I would like to say that I am deeply sorry. Russia has defeated us by not even doing anything, but Russia’s threat of doing something sounded kind of scary. As a token of my unwavering cowardice, I would like to apologize to Mr. Putin by offering him my beautiful, very feminine wife Brigitte.”
Once he heard that Macron had offered him Brigitte as a gift of surrender, Putin was said to be disgusted by the offer and then quickly withdrew all of his Russian troops and hid somewhere in Siberia where Macron’s wife couldn’t find him.
